


Come Up and See Me (Make Me Smile)

by i_amthecosmos



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Escorts, Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Drug Abuse, Frottage, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Solo Artist Zayn, Zayn Malik & Harry Styles Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 09:38:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2145930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_amthecosmos/pseuds/i_amthecosmos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn is an overnight success, a solo R&B star being marketed as a ladies' man. In reality, Zayn is a shy virgin who prefers boys. When Zayn is given the number of a discreet escort service, he thinks this might solve his problem. But the man they send just makes things more complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come Up and See Me (Make Me Smile)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at the hookerfic trope. I feel pretty okay with it, and hope people like it. Title from the Cockney Rebel song. This is entirely fiction, and I own nothing.

Zayn looked out the window. His record company’s office was on the twentieth floor, and Zayn could see so much of London from there. He sighed, and put out his cigarette. Another long day of meetings, nobody told him that being an overnight star could be so boring in places. 

He felt a gentle hand on his arm, and turned around to see his manager. “Hey,” Liam said, and Zayn felt himself smile, mirroring the sweet one on Liam’s face. Liam had a lot of quiet joy, and Zayn was grateful for it, it balanced him when he was brooding. “Time to go, meeting starts in five minutes.” 

“Okay,” Zayn said, and he let Liam steer him to the big meeting room, where a bunch of men in suits were ready to get started. Zayn politely took an offered tea, and then took a deep breath.

“One thing we need to do,” one of the suits was droning on. Zayn was barely paying attention, having lost the ability to give a fuck about an hour ago. “We need to establish an identity for Zayn as a ladies man. So many of his songs are about love and sex, that it’s obvious that we need someone for him to take to events, maybe a lot of someones. Zayn.” Zayn snapped to attention at that. “Are you dating any girls?”

“Um, no, not at the moment.” Zayn couldn’t help but squirm. He was not dating any girls. He’d never dated any girls. He’d never even dated any boys, as much as he’d have liked to. Nope, he had exactly zero experience. It was so nice for that wanker to remind him. 

“Okay. Well, we have a list of female stars who you can be seen with. Would you like to see them?” Zayn shrugged, because sure, why not. The executive nodded and a picture came up on the screen of Little Mix, the band that X Factor put together after his season. “None of them are dating right now, so you can pretty much take your pick.” 

Zayn stared for a moment, thinking about their season and the girl’s personalities. If he had to do this, he wanted to be with someone he could be friends with. “How about Perrie?” He said. “Either her or Jesy, they seem like they’d be fun to be around.” A murmur of approval went around the table, and Zayn thought _So glad I could help_. If he was a little bitter, he figured no one could blame him.

After the meeting, when everyone else broke for lunch, Zayn had another cigarette. He didn’t want to go to the four-star restaurant with the rest of them. It really wasn’t his style. “I can’t believe I agreed to that,” he told Liam as they walked up the street to an halal-approved place. “I’ve never had a girlfriend, and now I’ve got a fake one.” 

“Well, you know, it might be fun.” Zayn didn’t argue, that was basically his reasoning for going along with it. It sounded kind of ridiculous coming from someone else, though. “And it will be good for you, to be seen with a girl. Most of your album is about girls.” 

“I know, I wish I could have had some of them be gender-neutral.” He leaned closer to Liam. “You know what I’ve told you. About…you know.” He didn’t want to say it on the street, it was too embarrassing. Liam looked confused for a minute, and then nodded. “I just…I’m sick of it. I want to meet someone, but I don’t have any experience, at all. I’ve never even kissed anyone.” 

Liam didn’t say anything, but Zayn could tell he was thinking about it. They had a good lunch and went back to their cars. Before they parted, Liam said “Here. I’ve got a number for you. Probably best if you didn’t have this one in your phone, in case it gets stolen.” He searched his wallet and came up with a plain piece of paper and handed it to Zayn. “Maybe they can help. They’re discreet.” 

Zayn didn’t get it, not at first. Then he looked at the horrible blush crawling up Liam’s face and back at the number. “Liam, did you just give me the number for a hooker? Is it that bad?” He didn’t think Liam would even know what to do with this sort of information. He couldn’t even say it.

Liam’s blush intensified, but he didn’t back down. “They’re tops at what they do. They work with the entertainment industry a lot, and they have good people working for them, girls and lads. They won’t blackmail you or rip you off. And you know, just look at it as practice. Maybe you can get a boyfriend later, but for now…” Liam shrugged, trying to look okay with what he was saying. 

Zayn stared at the paper. _Practice…_. It was so weird, to think of sex that way. And it was stupid, and probably immoral and his mum wouldn’t speak to him for a week if she found out…He stuffed the piece of paper into his pocket.

“That’s right. You don’t have to, just…consider it.” Zayn shrugged and got into his car. He’d had enough meetings for one day.

Later that night, Zayn tried to relax in his new house. He just moved in, and it didn’t have many signs of being his. He’ll need to redecorate it soon, but he was almost ready to go on tour. The only room he felt comfortable in was the one he painted, so he went in there.

Lying on a beanbag chair, staring up at the graffiti art he’d drawn, he thought about Liam’s number, how embarrassed he was to even bring it up. It was stupid. It was very stupid. He should not even be considering this.

He took the piece of paper and put it on the table near his console. 

The next few day were a whirlwind of tour rehearsal, interviews and public events. He got to meet Perrie, and after a few minutes of awkwardness they started talking about gaming systems and Zayn was happy. At least his beard was a bit of a geek, he could live with that. The days moved by fast, and soon, it was two days before the tour. Zayn had the choice of an industry dinner, with lots of other celebrities, or going home. He chose home.

He found himself in his graffiti room again, but it didn’t help soothe him this time. He was lonely and horny and…horny. He thought about it, about how everyone thought he was a ladykiller and in fact nobody had even kissed him. _I’m a bestselling new singer,_ , he thought. _I can do this if I want. I deserve some company._

He got his phone and the number and made a call. 

“Hello, have you done business with us before?” The voice on the other line was sweet and perky, sounded like a young girl, and Zayn felt himself relax. She made it seem like there was nothing wrong with calling someone up for sex, like ordering a pizza. Zayn suspected that was why she had this job.

“Um no. I wanted to ask you to send someone. Male.” His voice sounded nervous, and he hoped she wasn’t secretly laughing at him under her professional veneer.  
“What kind of man? Would you like a bear type, a twink, or a muscular man? Shaved or not?” Zayn had no idea what she was talking about, and he stammered for a while before they settled on a man about his age, not too muscular, and on the ‘twink’ side. “Okay, we have someone we can send over in about an hour. Thank you!” And with that, the most awkward phone conversation of his life was over.

After that humiliation, Zayn waited by the door with a couple of beers. He hoped that was a good offer-what did you offer in his circumstance? He had no idea. After another few tense minutes, the buzzer rang and he jumped. 

“Hey,” a voice said over the intercom. It was a nice voice. “I’m here for Zayn. Are you Zayn?” Zayn cleared his throat.

“Yeah, I called earlier?” He got a noise of agreement, and Zayn said “All right, let me buzz you in.” He hit the alarm, and waited nervously a few minutes before there was a knock on his door. He had to rub his hands on his pants, nervous, before opening it.

Zayn couldn’t help it, he gaped at the man standing in front of him. He was short and slim, with carefully styled hair spiky and a bit of-eyeliner?-around his blue eyes. He was beautiful, perfect. And now he was smirking at him for standing there like an idiot. “Oh, Um, come in.” He didn’t know what to say, so he just handed the man a beer. “I’m Zayn.” 

“Hi. I’m Louis,” he said, and he took a sip of the beer, Zayn watching his throat work. After a second, he looked at Zayn and frown. “You look familiar. Wait, are you?-

“Yeah, Zayn Malik.” He was too famous, he couldn’t be anonymous even here. “Yeah, I wanted some company before I go on tour tomorrow. And, um, I need something.” The look on Louis’s face was mildly interested, so he kept going. “I um, I need…instruction. I’ve never been with anyone before, boy or girl, and they’re trying to package me as a ladies’ man and I just need…can you help me?”

Louis put the beer down, and he smiled at Zayn. The expression was fond and understanding, he didn’t seem to think that Zayn was pathetic. “So that’s why I’m here,” he said, and Zayn nodded, sure he was red. “Hey, don’t be embarrassed, I’ll help you. Do you want to do it here, or somewhere else?” 

“My room,” he said, and he took Louis’ hand, hoping he wasn’t sweating too much, and he got undressed. He’d never been naked in front of another person with the intent of shagging them, and he looked down. 

Louis touched his arm, and Zayn started. “Relax,” he said, and Zayn tried to. He sat on the bed while Louis got naked, and Louis sat next to him. “What do you want to do? You hired me for two hours, so we have a bit of time.” 

Zayn had a long list of things he wanted to do, but for now…”Could we make out? And I want to learn how to give a blowjob.” Louis grinned at him, and Zayn felt relief. He still wasn’t laughing at him. He leaned in then for a kiss, and Louis put a finger on his lips. 

“Sorry, I don’t kiss on the mouth.” Zayn must have looked really confused, and Louis shrugged. “I have to save something for my personal life, after all.” Zayn nodded, feeling stupid for not knowing that. “But let’s lie down, and we can play a little bit, then you can go down on me. Okay?”

He nodded, and laid back on the bed. Louis smirked at him, and Zayn could see a dimple in his cheek before he laid down next to Zayn. Zayn reached out to touch, and Louis let him, watching him quietly as Zayn slid a hand down, touching his shoulder, down his side and over his hip. Louis had beautiful hips and a nice round arse, and Zayn had hardly even let himself look at a man like this, much less touch one. 

“You can touch as much as you want,” Louis said, as if he could read his mind. “You can touch me anywhere, it’s all right.” Zayn looked at him and Louis gave him an encouraging smile, and Zayn moved his hand over Louis’ thigh, then he just skimmed over his cock, touching his stomach. Louis raised an eyebrow.

“Alright, I’m getting there, don’t laugh at me,” he said, which just made Louis giggle. “Don’t!” he said, but then he started laughing too, and it was all right. If you’d asked him an hour earlier Zayn would have said being laughed at by an escort he’d hired would be the most embarrassing thing in the world, but it felt fine. He giggled for a few more seconds, and then moved his hand down and cupped Louis’ dick. He gave a reassuring grunt in response, and moved into Zayn’s hand. Zayn moved his hand a couple of times, and it was like touching himself, not that scary after all.

“Do you want to try going down on me now?” Louis said. “We can play more if you want, but you seem like you’re ready for it.” Louis looked at him, and Zayn felt like Louis would wait, he could be patient if he needed him to be. He nodded, and slid down so he was eye level to Louis’ cock. It wasn’t terribly large, but it looked nice, smooth and uncut. Zayn stroked him again, wondering what he was supposed to do now. Louis answered him by handing him a condom, and Zayn fumbled it on Louis’ cock. He was glad Louis had thought of that, he wouldn’t have. He looked up at Louis, nervous again.

“Stroke me again,” Louis said, taking charge. Zayn was glad for it. He did it again, the head of Louis’s cock slipping out from his foreskin, and Louis said “Yes, put your mouth over the head. Keep your teeth covered, and suck. You can use your tongue, I like it.” 

It was a lot to take in, Zayn so nervous and turned on, but he gave the head of Louis’ cock a little lick, and then put it in his mouth. He tried to cover his teeth, and he went down a bit, then pulled off.

“Okay,” Louis said, and his voice had an edge to it now. He was red and hard in Zayn’s hand, and he licked his lips as he stared down at Zayn. “Do it some more. Move your hand up and down as you move your mouth. And again, watch the teeth.” Zayn laughed at that, and there was an answering chuckle from Louis before he licked over his dick again and Louis groaned.

Zayn kept going, doing what Louis told him and what felt right, stroking with his hand as he used his mouth, until Louis moaned loud and Zayn moved up, still stroking him, and watched in amazement as Louis came from what he’d done. “Oh.” 

“Yeah, oh.” Louis looked up at him, satisfied and smiling, and Zayn finally let go of his cock. “That was very good for a first time. I’m going to go to your bathroom and clean up, if you don’t mind?” Zayn must have looked confused, because Louis just cocked an eyebrow and Zayn realized he was still half on top of him.

“Oh. Oh yeah, um. Sorry.” He moved and Louis left with his hand cradling his cock and the condom. After a couple of minutes, he came back. Zayn was sitting in bed, his hand wrapped around his throbbing cock. Sucking Louis off had been so hot. When Louis got close enough, he looked straight at Zayn’s cock and he wondered if he was blushing. 

“Let me get to that, then. You need a reward.” Louis got another condom out of seemingly thin air, and rolled it on him. “I’ll show you the best way to do that someday, but now…” Louis kissed over Zayn’s nipple, and then moved his mouth down to Zayn’s cock. It felt amazing, even with the barrier, Louis’ mouth working quick and hard over him until Zayn smacked a hand against the mattress and was coming in waves, Louis stroking him through it. 

When Zayn was able to sit up, he saw Louis already getting his clothes on. “Hey,” he said, and then didn’t know what else to say when Louis looked at him. “Um. I’m sorry. I was just wondering if I should tip you or…” Louis smiled at that, and Zayn shrugged. “You must think I’m an idiot.”

“No, not at all,” Louis said. “I’ll take tips, but most people don’t have cash on hand. If you want, you can call the agency back and add a bit more to my balance. They don’t take a cut out of that. But my time is up and I have to go. I hope that helped you.”

“It did, thanks.” Zayn got out of bed and put his pants back on. He walked Louis to the front room and showed him out, then stared at the door for a minute. That was...strange, but good. He turned away and went to the kitchen. He needed a snack.  
Later, as he ate his cheese toastie and had a beer, he figured it was a pretty good experience, one he wouldn’t have to repeat. Probably. He sent a text to Ant and then put his plate and beer on the nightstand, curling up. The bed was warmer from Louis having been in it, brief as his visit was, and Zayn fell asleep quickly.

It was two months before Zayn was home again. His tour was a success, he sold out nearly every show, and he was exhausted. It had been fun, but touring was stressful in a way, especially since he was writing and recording on the road. And now he was home, and there was nobody to share his stories with. Ant and Danny were at their jobs, so he called his mum, but she’d already heard it all. 

The house was too quiet. He was bored. 

He looked around and found the number. 

He had to wait nearly an hour after specifically asking for Louis. When he showed up, he looked a bit tired around the eyes, but he smiled when he saw Zayn. “Hi. How was your tour? I heard it was smashing.” 

“Thank you.” Zayn had a quick moment of wishing Louis had been at one of his shows. He would have liked to have seen his face in the audience. “It was fun. Tiring though.” He handed Louis a beer and frowned when he refused it.

“Sorry, I’m just trying to drink less. Hard to do, but it’s probably for the best. I don’t mean to be rude.” Zayn shrugged, smiling, and put the beer back. “Anyway, you didn’t hire me to drink beer with you, at least I don’t think so.” 

Zayn nodded. It was always so hard to ask for things. “Um. I was wondering what it was like to get fucked. I haven’t done it.”

“You didn’t score on the road?” Louis looked a bit surprised. “I mean, I’m not trying to sound judging, but…”

“Not really. It was a lot of work, and I’m in a media relationship. I fooled around with one of the road crew one time, it was fun. But it turned out the next day that he had a boyfriend, so that was that.” He wondered if that was too much information, but Louis didn’t seem to mind. He just moved a little closer, and put a hand on Zayn’s arm, rubbing his thumb over his bicep. It felt good, and Zayn leaned in closer.

“That’s too bad. So, you want me to fuck you?” Zayn nodded, scratching the back of his head. “All right. Back to your room again?” Zayn was surprised that Louis remembered, but he just nodded, leading him back. 

“How nervous are you?” Louis was sitting on his bed, watching Zayn as he undressed. Zayn crooked a smile at him, and Louis smiled back.

“Pretty fucking nervous.” They sat on the bed and Louis stroked over Zayn’s back, his fingers gentle. Zayn tried to relax, glad for the touch. It made this seem a bit more normal.”Is it going to hurt?”

“I won’t lie to you, it might. But I’ll be gentle and you just try to relax. Tension doesn’t help. And I have to ask, are you clean? Because if we need to take care of that it might take a little longer.” 

“I am. I went on a-on a website, looked up what to do.” Louis didn’t laugh at him, and Zayn felt some of his nervousness subside. “So…” Louis smiled at him again, gentle. 

“So,” he answered, and he came closer. Zayn almost kissed him, but remembered at the last minute and put his face in Louis’s neck. “It’s all right. Lie back now. Do you want to do this facing, or on your knees?” 

“Which is better? I read that it hurts less if you’re not facing each other.” He pulled back to see Louis’s face as he nodded. “I guess that, but I kind of want to watch you.” 

“How about I get you ready with you on your back, and we can flip you over when you’re ready to fuck?” Zayn didn’t have a problem with that, so he moved until he was on his back, legs spread. Louis looked through his knapsack and pulled out condoms, a tube of lube, and some rubber gloves. “Safer this way,” he said when Zayn raised his eyebrows at the gloves. “And I cut my nails, but still. Better to have the gloves, that way I can’t nick you with a nail. That never feels good.”

“I get it,” Zayn says, and Louis gives him another quick, tight smile that Zayn interprets to mean _you’re catching on_. Louis pulled his kit off, and then got on the bed, settling between Zayn’s legs. “I can suck your dick while I finger you, if that would help.” 

“Sounds good.” Zayn watched as Louis put a condom on him, then a glove on one hand, squirting some lube on it, and rubbed his fingers together. He stroked Zayn with his other hand, moving over his stomach down to his thighs and back up, until he pressed a finger against Zayn’s hole. “That good?”

“Ah! Yeah, that’s fine.” He knew it was coming and he still started. But Louis didn’t seem to care, he just smiled gently at him, and Zayn relaxed more as Louis kept touching him. After a minute Zayn could feel Louis press the fingertip in, just a little, and he sucked the head of Zayn’s cock into his mouth. Zayn groaned, and Louis looked up at him, keeping eye contact as he gently moved his finger and sucked him at the same time. It helped, the finger didn’t hurt, it seemed gentle. Zayn nodded and Louis kept going. 

Zayn lost track of time, it seemed like they were up to three fingers before he knew it, and it felt fantastic. He pushed back against them, moaning constantly, until Louis pulled off his cock. “Are you ready?”

“Yes. Yes I think so.” Louis still had his fingers tucked inside him, and Zayn missed them when he pulled them out. “So, on my hands and knees?” 

“Or elbows and knees, whatever’s more comfortable.” Louis moved so Zayn could turn around, and Zayn heard the crinkle of the condom wrapper. That made him nervous, and Louis ran a hand down his back. “Relax,” he said. “I told you I’d be gentle.” Then he moved, and Zayn felt Louis’s cock pressed against his arse. “Okay?”

“Yeah, it’s okay.” Louis didn’t do anything else for a minute, just got him used to the idea of his dick near his ass, then Zayn could hear more lube being slicked on the condom and he breathed deep as the head slowly pushed it. “Oh.” It hurt, but not much. It was more like stretching a muscle.

“That’s it, nice and easy,” Louis said, and Zayn kept breathing, trying to keep calm as Louis kept pushing in so slowly, until he bottomed out. Zayn gasped, more from the sensation being overwhelming than from pain, and Louis stilled. “Still good?”

“Yes, fuck, oh god,” Zayn said, and Louis chuckled as he moved, pulling back and then sliding back in. It was sensory overload, and Zayn dropped his head down as Louis started fucking him, unable to form any words, but he was dimly aware of all the noises he was making. It was amazing, it was almost too much.

“Wanna touch your cock Zayn? Do you want to come?” Zayn whimpered, he’d almost forgotten about that part. He reached down and his cock was hard and wet. He wrapped his hand around it and it only took a minute of him fucking his fist before he spilled over it and the sheets. “Oh fuck. Louis.” 

“Ah, that’s nice. That’s so nice.” Louis thrust into him for another minute before coming. Zayn could feel him pulse and he moaned softly. Then Louis was pulling out of him and going back to his bathroom to wash up. Zayn stayed on the bed, feeling wiped out. 

After a couple of minutes, Louis came back. He put his clothes back on silently, Zayn watching him with half-lidded eyes. “I can see myself out,” Louis said. “I hope that helped.” 

“Yes, thank you,” Zayn said, sleepy, and Louis laughed in a way that seemed friendly instead of mocking, then put his Vans on and left. Zayn fell asleep.

“I had an escort come over last night.” Zayn looked over the table at his lunch companion, Harry. Harry had come in second of their season of X Factor, and they had bonded over the terror of the competition. They were at a fancy café that Harry liked, and Zayn wound up telling him about the night before. He figured that it was Harry, he wouldn’t judge. But he wondered if he should be worried when Harry didn’t say anything for a minute.

“You did? Is this such a good idea? What if he or his agency decide to blackmail you? What if he goes to the paps? It happens all the time. I just think it might end up badly for you.”

“Liam set me up with them. He said they were reputable and did a lot of work with the music industry. And I was desperate enough that it sounded like a good idea, so…”

“So you called them?” 

“Yeah. Twice.”

Harry raised his eyebrows. “Same lad?” Zayn nodded. “Well. So, how was it?” 

“You just want me to dish now?” Zayn said, laughing over his plate of overpriced pasta. Harry smirked, unrepentant. 

“I figure if you asked for him again, he must be good, and probably fit as well. So tell me about it?” Zayn didn’t know why he was surprised, it was Harry after all. He told him everything, and Harry just listened, laughing at some points. When Zayn was done, he was quiet for a minute. “This does sound like fun, but it’s not really like you Zayn. You’re not the type to mess around like that. I always thought you’d find a boy to sweep you off your feet, someone you could really care about. And that’s not this.” 

“I couldn’t,” Zayn said simply. “I’m not allowed to. I just get to be seen with Perrie. And you’re kind of in the same boat-didn’t the pres of your record company try to force you into a media relationship?” 

“But the difference is that I said no.” Harry took a sip of his drink, some overcomplicated mixed drink Zayn couldn’t remember the name of. “I didn’t want to do that, it’s not me. You could have said no too. And now you’re entertaining high-class call boys in order to get something you should be getting from someone who loves you.” 

Zayn couldn’t think of an answer, and lunch got a bit awkward after that.

It was a few weeks before Zayn was home, and late that night he called the number again. “Hey Lucy,” he said. “It’s Zayn, I’m calling to see if Louis is available.” He took a hit off his joint. “If not, that’s cool, I can try back later.”

“He can be available in about two hours,” Lucy said. “I know he’s the one you like to see. Maybe you could start arranging for him to come in advance, like when you know you have a day free.” 

“That’s a good idea.” Zayn coughed. “Sorry. Okay, couple of hours? Thanks. Bill my card.” And he hung up. He took another drag off the joint he lit, feeling nice and loose. He’ll ask Louis if he wants some. No, no, Lou had told him he was trying to cut down the drinking, he probably was trying to cut that down as well. He stubbed it out, maybe he’d had enough too.

When Louis got there, it was late, about two in the morning, and Zayn was almost asleep. But he buzzed Louis in and smiled when he saw him. It faded a bit when he saw the tension in his face. “Louis, you okay?” 

Louis looked annoyed for a second, then his face rearranged to the happy, pleasant expression he was familiar with. “Just been a long night is all,” he said, and Zayn was reminded that it was late, and he’d probably had a lot of calls. Also, it was probably none of his business. “What did you want this time?” 

“I wanted…” Now Zayn felt hesitant. If Louis wasn’t feeling good, maybe he wouldn’t do it. “I still haven’t ever fucked anyone, if that’s okay.” Louis looked at him, and Zayn was ready to back down if he wanted. “If that’s too much…”

“No, I think I can do that,” Louis said, smiling at him, but he still looked worn around the eyes. “I’ll show you what to do, you won’t hurt me.” Zayn nodded and came in closer. Louis let him pull him in for a hug, and Zayn thought he felt thinner since the last time he saw him. He wanted to say something about that, but it wasn’t his place. “Back to your room?” Louis said, and Zayn untangled himself and led him back.

When they were naked and in bed, Louis let Zayn touch him for a few minutes, before getting the gloves, lube and condoms out of his bag. “You’re going to start with one finger,” Louis said, putting a pillow under his hips. “Get the gloves and plenty of lube. And again, don’t worry, if you do something I don’t like I’ll tell you.” 

Zayn nodded and moved so he was between Louis’s legs. He fumbled the glove on and got the lube. “Warm it a little, rub your fingers together, that’s good.” Zayn did, and then, looking up at Louis’s face to check, he slid the first finger in. When Louis moaned and moved against it, he figured he was doing all right, even though Louis wasn’t very hard. He started moving it, slowly, and Louis said “Yes, yes, that’s it”, and he took the encouragement and kept going.

Louis was vocal, and Zayn was glad for it. He listened to him, every moan and word, and by the time he was up to three fingers Zayn was hard and throbbing. “I want to. I have to, now. Are you ready?” Louis nodded and he went for the condom. It was harder to open with lube-slicked fingers than he expected, and after a couple of minutes he still didn’t have it. 

“What’s taking so long-oh.” Louis moved up and tore the condom wrapper, and then rolled the condom onto Zayn’s dick for him. “Use the hand that doesn’t have lube on it as much as you can. Okay, we’re good. Move back, I’m turning over.” Then he did, and Zayn was staring at Louis’s plush little ass, resting on the pillow like a present for him. “Go ahead, I’m ready.” Louis said, breaking him out of his thoughts.

Zayn used a lot of lube, and then he lined up against Louis’s ass. Louis moved, pushing his ass closer to him, and Zayn was thankful for the silent encouragement. He pushed in slowly, and at first Louis was silent. Then he let out a long sigh, and Zayn echoed it. Louis felt so good, so nice around him. “It’s good,” he said, and Louis moaned again.

Zayn moved slowly, trying to take it easy, but Louis kept meeting his thrusts, urging him on until he was digging his nails into Louis’s hips and pounding into him. He was just dimly aware of the noises he was making, and the ones Louis was making back. Before too long he was gasping and coming, hands tight on Louis’s hips and in deep. When he was done, he tried to catch his breath as he slowly loosened his grip. 

“That was good,” Louis said, breaking him out of his fog. He moved off of Louis, and then frowned. “I didn’t…did you come? I’m sorry, I’m such an idiot…” 

Louis shrugged and rolled over, showing his flaccid dick. “It wasn’t you, I was having a good time. I just can’t get it up. Like I said, end of the night. Not your fault.” Zayn nodded and moved so Louis could get up to clean himself off. When he got out, Zayn was putting on his pajamas, Louis’s clothes on the bed for him. “Thank you,” Louis said, and he did sound grateful for the little gesture. Zayn followed him out, on his way to the kitchen for something to drink, and Louis paused in the middle of his hallway. Zayn followed Louis’s gaze to the small rug in the middle of the room he was looking in.

“Do you still pray?” Zayn didn’t know how to answer that. His faith was still there, but his actions didn’t reflect it the way they used to. It was a point of contention between him and his father. He let the pause go on too long and Louis looked apologetic. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No it’s fine,” Zayn said hurriedly. “I don’t mind you asking. I guess the answer is…not as much as I should.” Louis nodded at that and Zayn let Louis out. After he left, Zayn wound up in the kitchen fixing himself a glass of cocoa, wondering why Louis looked so thin. He figured it wasn’t his business, but it bothered him.

Then he put the mug in the sink, brushed his teeth, and went to bed. 

Three weeks later, and him and Perrie were at an industry event, and he was drunk. Really, impressively drunk in a way he’d never been when he was living at home in Bradford. He felt pretty fantastic about it. Perrie was tipsy as well, and they wound up talking about sex in hushed voices. “I don’t really get to much, people will think I’m cheating on you,” she said, giggling. Her face was flushed and she looked adorable. “But I did have a nice three way with Jesy and some bloke she picked up.” 

“ No!” Zayn laughed, and Perrie got pinker. “That’s brilliant, brilliant.” He grinned. “I don’t have much to say, thought.” She elbowed him and he laughed again. “I just…I have a friend.” He figured that was the best way to put it. And he thought of Louis like that, like a friend that helped him out, stupid as that probably was. “Not a boyfriend. It’s not romantic.” 

“That’s good though, even if it’s not. It’s a start, maybe it’ll be more one day.” Zayn shook his head, because he knew that wasn’t possible. “Why are you saying no? Don’t you like him?” He didn’t know what to say, so he took another sip. “I mean, is there something wrong with him?”

“No, he’s fine. It’s just…not something I think I could build on, that’s all.” Perrie looked confused, and he expected more questions, but she let it go. She took another sip of her champagne and started gossiping about another star’s clothes. He was glad, he didn’t know if he could explain it to her. He couldn’t really explain it to anyone.

That night after he’d dropped Perrie off at her house like a gentleman, he found himself alone, drunk and horny. This was a pretty common and depressing state of affairs, and so he did what he normally did: he made a phone call.

Louis arrived sooner than usual. It was a Tuesday, he remembered, and when he came to the door he saw Louis’s smile get wary. “Hey Louis. What’s up? I just thought I’d invite you over.” He staggered back and let Louis in. “Is this okay? Do you want anything?” Louis was still looking wary, almost angry, and Zayn didn’t know why.

“No, I’m fine. I just…what did you have in mind for tonight?” Zayn looked at him and shrugged. He really didn’t have anything in mind, he was just lonely as fuck. But he didn’t want to say that. “Do you want to go back to your room?” 

“Yeah. Wait, no. Follow me.” He walked carefully down the hall, and he opened the door to the third room on the left. “This is my graffiti room.” He let them in and Louis stared at the ceiling, at the many different things Zayn had painted on his walls. “I did this…when I bought the house, it was beautiful, but it didn’t feel like me, right? So I did this, this room is me.” He looked at Louis, who turned back to him, face serious.

“It’s beautiful, Zayn.” Louis sounded sincere, but also a little-short? Zayn didn’t understand it. “Is this why you asked for me?” 

“Huh? I don’t-I don’t know really. I think I just wanted to see-someone.” He barely kept from saying ‘wanted to see you’ but from the look on Louis’s face he knew he didn’t fool him. “Let’s just sit down.” He drunkenly maneuvered himself into one of the bean bag chairs, and Louis did as well, moving slowly like a wary cat.

When they were settled in, Louis waited a moment to say “So, did you just hire me to hang out? I saw you on telly with your girlfriend. You looked lovely together.” There was an edge of mockery to Louis’s voice, and Zayn didn’t know why. Louis had always been so kind to him, that was why he kept asking him back.

“We had fun. She’s a laugh,” he said. “I’m just lonely, I guess.” He looked over at Louis, and he nodded at that, eyes still closed off. “I didn’t want to be alone. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, don’t be sorry. That’s all right.” Louis seemed to bounce back a little at that. Louis was sitting a few feet from him, but it seemed far away to Zayn. He held a hand out, and Louis grinned and got up, moving his beanbag closer. Zayn leaned until he was up against Louis’s shoulder. “You want to put on some music?” Louis whispered, and Zayn nodded. “Okay, can you find it, or should I?” 

“I think I’m a little drunk,” Zayn muttered, and Louis laughed, pushing him gently so he could get up. Soon, Ne-Yo was playing and Zayn cuddled back in. Louis let him, one arm loosely around. “Louis,” he said. “Maybe in a little bit. Can we blow each other? I’d like that.”

“Of course,” Louis said. “You know you don’t have to ask.” And Zayn knew that, but he still liked to, he liked to think of it as two mates hanging out and getting off, and not a for-hire situation. But that’s what it was, as much as he liked to pretend. “You’re not going to throw up on my cock though, are you?” 

Zayn laughed a little. “I didn’t think about that. Might be too risky.” Louis giggled, and Zayn closed his eyes. He was nearly asleep when he heard Louis say “This is why you really called, isn’t it? You just wanted to sleep with someone.” Zayn blinked up at him, but Louis didn’t seem to be judging him. 

“Sorry,” he said anyway, and Louis shrugged. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I wish I could take you to these events instead. I wish I didn’t have to have Perrie, I like her, but…” He started to babble, but before he could say anything else, Louis pulled away. “Louis?” 

“I think I should go,” he said, looking cold. “I know you don’t mean to, but I can’t be those things for you. You know I can’t. You want to bring a man, or a date, to those things, but not me. That’s not something I can do, people would find out what I did. You hired me to teach you, and I’ve done that. You can get someone on your own now.”

“I…” Zayn struggled to his feet. “I’m sorry, I’m drunk. I was just talking, don’t go.” Zayn couldn’t understand it, suddenly Louis was leaving. Was it that bad? He finally got up but Louis was halfway to the door. “Louis. Don’t do this. I didn’t mean to put pressure on you.” 

Louis looked back at him, and he just looked so tired. “I think maybe you shouldn’t call me again,” he said. “You’re a sweet man, but you get too attached to people. That might be a problem for you in the future. Goodbye.” 

And then Louis was out the door and out of his life, like that. 

Zayn spent a few days in his house after that, skipping some of the planned events for the paps to be at. He told Harry over the phone, and he came by to fix Zayn biscuits and hold his hand. “I fucked up. I didn’t think I was in love with him. He was right to leave.” 

“I’m amazed he did,” Harry replied. “He could’ve kept coming, I know you were paying him well. I guess it wasn’t about the money for him, at least not after that. Maybe…” 

“Maybe what?” Zayn said. His temples were throbbing. “Maybe he just got sick of me.”

“Maybe he was afraid it wouldn’t be all one-sided if he kept coming.” Harry was silent after that, which was good, because Zayn had no idea how to respond. He just sort of whimpered, and Harry rubbed his back, making soothing noises like he was a baby. After a few hours, Harry tucked him into bed. Zayn tried not to think about how many times he’d had Louis in there with him, and fell asleep.

Zayn had some down time, which was good because he had to write for the new album, but the problem with that, nearly all the songs he was writing were sad. He was driving Liam mad-“Zayn, I’m introducing you to the best songwriters I know. Maybe you could get an upbeat number with one of them, please? We can’t have an entire album like this. People will speculate.”

“I can’t help it. That’s all I can write, and if people speculate, let them. I just don’t care anymore Liam.” Zayn heard Liam sigh down the phone, as if he was the most long-suffering person in the world.

“I never should have given you that number. This is my fault. But please Zayn, write something else. Write about something happy. Write something your little sisters would like to hear. There’s more to life, even your life, than that boy breaking your heart. Okay?”

Zayn supposed that was true, but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t stop thinking of blue eyes, messy brown hair, and Louis’s perfect ass. He was ruined. Louis was right: he had been getting too attached. He hoped that Louis was better off without him, because he wasn’t sure he was. Zayn went back to his room with his sketchpad, but then he heard a buzz from his security. “Zayn?”

Zayn frowned, it sounded like-no. No way. He ran into the front room just as the voice came through again. “Zayn? Are you there? Can I come in?” It was Louis.

Zayn stood entirely still, shocked, and then he said “Yeah sure. I’ll buzz you in.” He hit the button and a few minutes later Louis opened the door. He looked a lot different, his hair flat instead of styled into a mess of spikes, and he was wearing a Vans t-shirt and had a couple of days of stubble. He looked beautiful, and it made Zayn’s heart twist. He’d missed seeing him. “So. Why are you here?” 

“I just wanted to talk. I know I don’t owe you an explanation, and you probably won’t understand it-maybe you will.” Louis was nervous, twisting his hands, and Zayn sat down, indicating to Louis that he should too. “I think I wasn’t fair to you,” he said.

“I think you were,” Zayn answered after a minute’s thought. “You were right, I was too attached.” Right then, he wished he could kiss Louis, something he couldn’t even do when he hired him. “I didn’t realize. I’m sorry.”

“That’s all right,” Louis said. “There’s more. There’s stuff you don’t know.” Louis looked at him for a minute, then went back to staring at his hands. “I was supposed to audition for X Factor the same day you did,” he said. “I had planned it, and I thought I might do okay. But then my mum and stepdad had a huge row, and he left. My mum was hysterical, and I was afraid she might try to kill herself. So I missed it. I had to watch it and see you get put in on telly later. So…I didn’t have any dislike for you, but I wanted what you have. I felt like I had a chance at it. Maybe I didn’t, I’ll never know now.”

“Oh,” Zayn said, and Louis shrugged, not looking at him. “Maybe you could still try it,” he said, and Louis just laughed, shaking his head. 

“No, it’s too late for that option. What would I do, tell them I was an escort who sang at bars on the side? What if I lied, then won, then the Sun found out what I did? No, X Factor won’t happen for me, ever. I do sing, but I’ll never get beyond clubs, I’m afraid.” Zayn reached over then, and put his hand on Louis’s arm. Louis let him.

“Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want.” Louis looked over at him and nodded, his face sad but not wary. “How did you get into…what you do now?” 

“The way a lot of lads do. I started as a cocktail waiter at a club, wearing just a g-string and serving drinks. It was a pretty fancy gay club and I made a lot in tips. It helped support my mum and sisters. And then I got an offer to do porn, so I did a few movies. And then the producer of the porn films recommended me to his friend, who runs the agency. It was a natural progression, really.” Zayn must have looked shocked because Louis said “Don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t mind what I do, I just don’t have any illusions as to how it looks to others. It’s good money.” 

“But…isn’t it hard? To meet people you can date, to tell people what you do?” Zayn didn’t mean to pry, but he wanted to understand. 

“I could say the same to you. You’re having a hard time meeting people, so you had to hire me. You’re having to hide who you really are for your job, and you’re selling sex too. There’s really quite a bit of overlap.” Zayn didn’t argue, it made sense to him. “But I don’t feel like I’m less of a person because of what I do. I hope you don’t feel that way about me either. Because-look.” Louis moved so he was facing Zayn full on. “I lie a lot. It’s part of my job-I have to pretend to be someone else, if I didn’t I would get hurt. You wouldn’t believe how mean some people can be when they’re paying you. But you’ve been nothing but kind to me. That’s why I came by. I just wanted you to know the truth.”

“Is that all?” Zayn didn’t know how he got the guts to ask that, but Louis’s answer was a slight widening of his eyes, and then he looked away. “Would you like to stay for a couple of hours? I’d like a break from songwriting. Want to play Call of Duty?” 

“I...You want to know if I’ll play games with you? After all I’ve told you?” Louis looked at Zayn, and he smiled back, hoping it looked reassuring. “You’re so strange. What the fuck. Sure. I’ve got a couple of hours before I have to get ready for tonight, let’s go.” Louis got up and Zayn followed him back to the graffiti room. “They’re in here, right?” Louis settled down on one of the beanbags and looked back at him. “Can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“You don’t have to. I only asked you as…as a friend.” It was hard to say it, but he wanted to make it clear. If Louis didn’t want to be here, he didn’t have to. Zayn wasn’t paying him for his company, he wanted to know if Louis would stay without it. Zayn felt his stomach knot up, hoping that Louis would say yes.

“If you want me to kick your arse, then yes, let’s go,” Louis said, and Zayn barked in laughter, setting Louis off, and Zayn started getting the game set up while Louis got them Cokes from his kitchen. They played for about an hour and a half, and Louis was ruthless, yelling to distract Zayn, one time even throwing an elbow in his face to make him miss. It was hilarious, and it seemed way too soon that an alarm on Louis’s phone went off. “That’s my reminder,” he said. “Time for me to get fixed up and ready to go out.” He stood up. “Thanks.”

“Thanks for coming by.” Zayn felt a little awkward. Looking at Louis made him want to kiss him, to try to make Louis his, which he wasn’t. “Do you think you might come by again? I’d understand if you didn’t.” He would, he didn’t expect this much. 

Louis stood there a minute, and Zayn waited for him to say no. But then Louis shook his head and muttered “This is probably really stupid. Okay. I’m going to let you have this number.” Zayn scrambled for his phone, and Louis waited. When he’d put Louis’s number in his phone, Louis nodded at him. “Bye,” he said, and he walked out. Zayn sighed when the door closed. This was a really bad idea.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Harry said, after mulling over what Zayn had told him. “I mean, he actually told you he wants what you have. What if this is his way of getting it? By getting close to you? And, he said he has to lie a lot for his job. What if he hasn’t stopped?”

“Then why did he leave when I tried to get him closer the first time? I don’t think that’s what’s happening here.” Harry shook his head. “Okay fine, I know you think I’m pathetic. You know how much I missed him. Maybe I just needed to see him any way I could. I don’t think he even wants anything other than friends. That’s all he’s offered.”

“Maybe,” Harry said. “But he knows that you want more. What if he exploits that? Because he could so easily, and you’re so nice, Zayn.” Zayn shook his head and Harry said “No, you’re one of the sweetest people I’ve ever known. He could take advantage of that.” 

“I guess. I suppose calling an escort service to solve my virginity problem was a bad idea. Should’ve just called you.” Harry laughed. 

“Oh, now you think of me. Sorry, I’m still seeing Nick. It’s amazing how many people can buy that ‘we’re just mates’ stuff. You should have thought of that.” Zayn nods. “So, are you gonna call him? Or have you already?” 

“I texted him. He responded with one line and a smiley face. I guess that’s not bad.” Zayn sighed. “I need to get back to writing. If I write all sad songs Liam will have my balls.” He stood up and Harry got off the couch too. 

“I’ll help you, I’d love a writing credit on your next album. Come on, I’ll write you a nice upbeat number. With mandolins.” 

“Oh thanks,” Zayn said, but he was already cheering up. 

Over the next few weeks, Zayn would contact Louis every few days with a call or text. Louis responded to all of them, but usually just short texts back or calls saying he had to work. Zayn was ready to give up when he got a text out of the blue. Back in town. Spent few days w/my family. Are u at home? Could use some company. 

Zayn stared at it for a minute, then sent one back. I can be. Have an interview but after 4 I’m free. Come over.

A second later he got ok Zayn smiled at his phone, and then got ready for his interview.

Louis showed up a little after four, and he looked tired, bags under his eyes and a defeated look to him. Zayn went in for a hug without thinking about it, and Louis didn’t stop him, but he didn’t hug back with much enthusiasm either. “Sorry,” Zayn said, and Louis shook his head.

“It’s nothing. Can I sit down?” Louis didn’t wait for an answer, he just plopped himself on the couch. Zayn sat next to him. “Sorry, I’m just really tired. I had a rough time at my mum’s place.” He smiled then, and even that looked defeated and small.

“What happened? Did she give you a hard time?” He didn’t know much about Louis, but he did know that he would do anything for his family, and the idea that his mum might not care for him as much frightened him.

“No. It’s not that, it’s…” Louis stared at him, and Zayn could see him calculating in his head, trying to figure out if he should trust Zayn or not. “I stayed there for a reason,” he said. “I was trying to sober up. I had gotten too far in with something, and I needed to stop. So I had to spend a few days in my old bedroom. I think it worked, I feel better.”

“Yeah?” Zayn remembered when Louis refused a drink from him, saying he needed to cut down. “What, booze, or…?” Louis looked away from him and he started backtracking. “Hey, you don’t have to tell me, it’s none of my business…”

“Cocaine, mainly,” Louis said, cutting him off. “I was doing it a lot, because people kept giving it to me. You know, clients. I don’t know why, but people love to share drugs with their whores, it’s a thing. We all talk about it at the agency. I don’t know why us, they don’t share with their maids, I bet.” 

“Maybe they think it helps to get in the mood,” Zayn said. He was disturbed, not so much by Louis’s drug use but by the casual way he talked about himself and his friends. _Whores_. Well, he supposed it was only a term. “I’m sorry you had such a hard time. But do you think you’ll be all right now?”

“I hope so,” Louis said. “I can’t afford to quit, not yet. So doing this and not taking everything offered me is going to be a bit of a challenge. But I think I can do it. Thanks, you know, for not judging me.” Louis looked away then, and Zayn reached over and put a hand on his knee.

“I don’t judge you. Why would I? You aren’t that different from me, remember? I’ve had people at my label tell me how they’re so glad that I’m not a terror on drugs or something, and then offer me a line.” That got him a smile, and Zayn got his phone out. “Let’s order some takeaway and we can play some PS3 and have a laugh. What time do you have to leave?”

“I don’t have many calls tonight, I told the agency that I needed a little free time and they gave it to me. So not until late.” Zayn nodded. “What’s our choices for takeaway? Can we get Indian?” 

“I always compare it to my mum’s cooking, but sure. There’s a good place nearby.” Zayn made the call and Louis sat close to him. He was warm and smelled nice, and Zayn wanted to nuzzle his neck, but he restrained himself. Louis didn’t seem to want a physical relationship with him, and Zayn respected that. When he was done with the call, he turned to Louis. “Graffiti room?” 

“Sure.” Louis got up and Zayn got them Cokes before they headed back 

Louis stayed longer this time. They had a good time. Louis off the clock was a lot different than when he was working. He was loud and cutting, and it was hilarious.. Zayn laughed more in those few hours then he had all month. When it was time for Louis to go, Zayn followed him to the door, and Louis gave him a long hug before leaving. “See you soon,” he said, and Zayn closed the door behind him. 

After that, Zayn wasn’t available much for a while. He had pre-production, meeting with his producers and with more execs and interviews to get his new album ready. He was pretty happy with the song selection, but he hoped Louis didn’t ask too many questions about the subject of some of the songs. Things were going well. He kept texting and calling Louis, and Louis kept answering. So he didn’t worry much. 

One night, he got a call in the middle of the night. He sat up, reaching for his phone. “What? Louis?” It was his number.

“Zayn? Zayn, I need you. Can you come get me?” 

“Fuck. Are you okay?” Zayn got up and started looking for pants. “Where are you?” 

“I’m at a club. I need to get out of here. Name’s The Tunnel, come get me soon.” Louis sounded panicked, and that worried him. He grabbed a shirt, and stuffed his feet into some trainers. 

“I’m coming.”

It took him fifteen minutes to find the club. He texted Louis and a couple of minutes later Louis was in his passenger seat, arms around his waist and looking scared. “Are you okay?” Louis didn’t answer, so Zayn just started the car. “Where do you need to go?’

“Can we go back to your place? Thanks.” Louis put on his seatbelt and stared out the window. Zayn drove, not wanting to bother him with questions. After a minute, Louis said “Thanks for getting me. I was really scared.”

“Did someone attack you? Were you hurt?” Louis shook his head. “Did someone threaten you?” Louis waited a moment, and then nodded, not looking Zayn in the eye. “Fuck. Can you talk about it?”

“Maybe when we get back to your place.” Louis went back to looking out the window, and Zayn got them home. When they were inside, he hugged Louis and Louis didn’t stop him, sagging into the embrace. “Sit down. Do you want something?”

“Could you make me some tea?” Zayn winced internally, Louis sounded so scared still. “Milk, no sugar. Thank you.” Zayn reached over, wanting to touch Louis’s shoulder, but he dropped it at the last minute. Louis didn’t move, and Zayn went to make the tea, feeling awkward. When he came back with two cups, he handed one to Louis and watched as he hunched over, sipping the tea. “It’s good.”

“Thanks.” Zayn drank his, letting Louis relax for a minute. When the cups were empty, Louis seemed more himself. “Can you talk about what happened?” Zayn didn’t know if he had a right to ask, but he did. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want.”

“I can tell you. You came to get me after all.” Louis took a deep breath. “It was just bad. He wanted to go out to the clubs first, which is fine, that doesn’t bother me, dancing can be fun, even though I’m not good at it. But he was doing a lot of cocaine and kept offering it to me, and he got mad when I kept refusing. I’d done it with him before, you see, so he thought I was being rude. I even told him I had stopped and he just got angrier. Then he started making threats.” Louis looked away then. 

“What kind of threats? Did he threaten to hurt you?” Louis nodded. “Did-can you call your agency when something like this happens?” 

“I did. They told me they’d ban him from asking for me again, but they didn’t have anyone to come get me. They told me to get a cab. And I could have. But…I called you.” Louis looked back, and Zayn could see how wary Louis still was of him. But he called for him anyway.

“Why me?” It was a fair question. “I hired you just like he did. I fell in love with you, but I didn’t really know you until you started coming around when you weren’t being paid. You could have so many reasons not to trust me.” 

“Sometimes I don’t. But then, I guess I do. When it comes down to it. You were always kind to me. You never treated me like lesser because I was a whore. Mostly I think of you as a friend. I can forget the parts where you called me for sex. You’re more than that, and I think you see me the same way.”

“I-I do.” Louis smiled at that, and his old mischivousness was back, visible in his eyes.

“Fuck Zayn, you sound like a nervous groom. ‘I do?’ You’re ridiculous.” Zayn laughed, and Louis did too. They sat on the couch for a while, Zayn turning on the TV. Soon Louis was leaned against him, heavy. “I think I’m tired,” Louis said, and then he tried to stifle a yawn. “I don’t have any more dates for the night. Can I stay here?”

“You want to? You want me to fix up the guest bedroom?” Louis shook his head.

“Can I sleep with you? But…just sleep. Okay?” Zayn nodded, and he took their teacups to the sink. When he got back, Louis was already headed for the bedroom, unbuttoning his shirt. Zayn followed him and got into his pajama bottoms silently. Louis stripped to his pants and Zayn got in bed, wondering if he could touch Louis or not. “Goodnight Zayn,” Louis said, and Zayn realized he’d been staring and looked down, guilty.

“Sorry. Goodnight Louis.” Louis rolled over on his side, back to Zayn, and Zayn settled on his back, staring at the ceiling. He fell asleep soon, matching his breathing to Louis’s. 

When they woke up, Zayn was spooned around Louis, one arm wrapped over his chest. Zayn had his nose in Louis’s neck, and without thinking, he kissed over the pulse. Louis’s skin was so warm, and he wanted to cuddle him closer.

“Morning,” Louis said, and Zayn stopped himself before he kissed him again. “Excuse me, I need to go take a piss.” Zayn let go of Louis and moved away as Louis got up and headed for the bathroom. Zayn rubbed a hand over his face. Did he go too far? 

When Louis came out, he just put his undershirt back on. “Can we have breakfast? I could do with a fry-up, but I can’t cook at all. Mum says I’m helpless at taking care of myself.” He gave Zayn a hesitant smile, and Zayn smiled back. Maybe everything was okay.

“I can manage a fry-up. Let me see what I have.” Zayn padded to the kitchen, and after a few minutes they were both eating big greasy plates of eggs and fried bread. Zayn didn’t have any bacon, but Louis didn’t seem to care. “My trainer would be so mad at me for this,” Zayn said. “I’m not supposed to be eating anything this heavy.”

“You have a trainer? Wait, of course you do. The label set you up with one, didn’t they?” Zayn nodded. “I just work out with my mates, my friends from the agency and the club I used to serve drinks at. It’s a good laugh, they’re great lads.” 

“Do you have any friends outside of that?” Louis looked a little offended. “Wait, I didn’t mean there was anything wrong with it, don’t…”

“I have a few.” Louis dragged a bit of his bread through his runny egg yolks. “It’s a fair question actually, a lot of people who do what I do don’t tell their friends or family. I know a couple of people from singing at clubs, and they’re mates. They don’t all know what I do, but Niall does. He’s not the kind to judge. And my mum knows what I do. It makes her worry, but I couldn’t lie to her.” Louis shoved a piece of eggy bread into his mouth and stood up. “I should go, I’m actually meeting some of the lads at the gym in an hour.” 

“Okay.” Zayn stood up too, and went over to Louis, then hesitated. He stood there for a second, unsure of what to do, and then Louis pulled him into a hug. “Go get dressed, probably don’t need to go to the gym in your pants.”

“It’s nothing the others haven’t seen before,” Louis said with a laugh, and then he got dressed and left. “See you later. Thanks for getting me last night.” 

“Of course,” Zayn said, and he watched Louis go.

Zayn would have probably worried more about this strange…friendship, that had developed between him and Louis, if he wasn’t so busy just living his life. He did a string of charity gigs for the holidays, and worked on his next album. Liam was happy that all the songs weren’t about unrequited love, and didn’t ask any questions about why that was. He kept in touch with Louis through texts and short phone calls. Louis seemed to be working through his addiction and fear from the incident with that client fairly well. One night, when Zayn was in Birmingham for a children’s charity TV spot, Louis called and they talked for over an hour.

“Louis,” Zayn said after hearing about Louis’s trip to a doctor who specialized in addiction. “Do you ever get tired of hearing my problems? I mean, I must seem like such a whiner to you. I’ve got everything that you wanted. It must drive you crazy.” 

“Not really,” Louis said. “When you used to hire me? Then it bothered me. It did, because I could see the awards on your wall and it made me angry. But you’re just you. You really are a nice boy from Bradford. What they’ve built around you…that’s not really you. And I couldn’t hate someone who just wanted me to take his virginity. I mean, you’re not the only one, it’s happened before, but it’s not something I could hold a grudge against, not really.”

“Thanks. It’s nice, that you still talk to me.” 

“Yeah. This is generally considered to be a very bad idea in my profession.” Zayn laughed, because he could believe it, and Louis chuckled as well. “I mean, so much could go wrong. Most of the guys I know who do something like this…well. They’re looking for something.”

“To be kept, you mean?” Louis made an affirming noise, and that scared Zayn. It would make sense, if that was what Louis was doing now. After all, he admitted to being jealous of Zayn’s life, at least in the past. “You don’t…is that what this is?” 

There was a pause on the line. “No. I supposed I deserved that. I wouldn’t blame you for thinking that. But…I don’t know what I’m doing, Zayn. I really don’t. I just know I don’t want to stop. Is that okay?” 

“Yeah, it is. I think I know how you feel.” He looked at the clock near his bed. “I should sleep. Goodnight Louis.” 

“See you later,” Louis said, and he hung up. 

The next time he saw Louis, it was about a month later. As usual, Louis came over and they had some Cokes and played video games. It was about an hour in before Zayn realized that Louis wasn’t taunting him or shoving an elbow in front of his face to make him miss. “Hey. You alright?” 

Louis dropped his controller and Zayn paused the game. “I suppose so. I just have a lot to think about. I might stop working for the agency. I got an offer to sing with a group.” 

“That’s fantastic,” Zayn said, but Louis shook his head. “What? You don’t like them or something?”

“It’s not that, it’s just…I don’t know if I can afford to. I probably can. I sent most of my money home, but I have some saved up. My mum doesn’t really need my help anymore, she’s got a new boyfriend and he’s all right, he has a job and all. So, maybe money isn’t a problem.”

“Then what is?” Zayn put a hand on Louis’s arm, and he leaned into him. “Is it just because it’s new?”

“Yes. That’s exactly it. It’s new and it scares the shit out of me. What if I’m no good? What if they kick me out. I’d have to go back to the agency, and that scares me. I won’t be young forever. I’m already starting to lose my hair.” 

“You should try,” Zayn said, and Louis moved until Zayn was holding him in his arms. “You’d regret it if you didn’t. That story I tell, about my mum having to drag me out of bed for the audition? It’s true, that’s exactly what happened. And if she hadn’t, I wouldn’t have any of this. I know there’s parts I don’t like, but…it is worth it, really.”

“I won’t ever be as big as you, I don’t think. I’m not as good a singer. But you know, group, maybe I can pull it off.” Louis pulled out of the hug. “It wouldn’t change anything between us, would it? I know a lot of lads, their partners are really into them being whores or porn stars.” 

Zayn didn’t know how to answer at first. _Partners?_ “I don’t care,” he finally said. “I want you to be happy. You make me happier just by being around, it doesn’t matter what you do.” He looked over for Louis reaction, and watched as he smiled. 

“I just hope it’s me, that you like. I mean, if you think about all the different ways this could go wrong it’s staggering. I wasn’t even being me, at first.” 

“I think you were, more than you thought. You couldn’t really pretend.” Louis nodded at that. 

“I was told that before, some people actually complained, they thought I was being too cheeky.” Louis looked at the floor for a minute, and then at Zayn. “So…I suppose that means it’s all right if you kiss me. If you still want to.” 

“I still want to.” Zayn moved in slowly, and Louis met him halfway. His mouth was soft and he tasted like the Cokes they were drinking. Zayn brushed his fingers over Louis’s jaw, and Louis came in closer until they were lying back in his bean bag chair, Louis rolling his hips against Zayn’s, and sucking on his tongue. “Oh fuck,” he said, between kisses, and Louis giggled. Zayn moved one leg, trying to wrap it around Louis’s hip, and moaned at the change in angle. They needed to stop, to at least take their clothes off, but Louis was insistent, moving his hips and kissing the breath out of Zayn so he couldn’t say anything, he could only feel.

 

Zayn came with a groan, tipping his head back and Louis latched into his neck with little sharp teeth, not letting up on the friction between them. Zayn felt wetness spread in his pants and tried to get up, because it was just gross. “Not yet, not yet, please,” Louis gasped, and Zayn just grabbed Louis’s hips, pressing him flush against his hip and Louis came, staring into Zayn’s face. “Oh,” he said quietly, and Zayn pulled him in for a hug. 

“Oh is right.” Louis seemed tiny and fragile in his arms, and after a minute they let go and Louis slid to the floor, lying on his back. Zayn looked down at his jeans and grimaced. “Why did you want to do it that way? It’s so messy.” 

“I know,” Louis said, walking his fingers across the floor. “I just like it. If it’s with someone I’ve started to see, that’s just what I like to do. It was the first thing I did with my first boyfriend, so. Sentimental, really.” He looked up at Zayn then, quickly, and then put his eyes back on his hand. “So.” 

“So. This is your way of starting something new?” Zayn doesn’t know if he understood Louis’s mind yet, but it seemed close. Louis looked up again, and nodded. His shoulders were pulled up around his neck, and Zayn touched them gently, trying to work the tension out. “It’s all right. You know I’m willing to try.” 

“Are you? You won’t ever be able to take me anywhere, I might not even be able to introduce you to my family. It’s going to be hard, is what I’m saying.” Zayn rubbed a little harder, and Louis whimpered. “That feels good.”

“I think I can do it. I know I can’t be seen out with a boy. And…maybe one day, I can see your family and you can meet mine. If it gets to that point.” 

“If it does,” Louis agreed. “I’m glad you think I’d be someone you’d want to meet your family. I know you’re close to them.” Zayn felt his heart twist a little, that Louis might think he was lesser for any reason. “But that’s in the future.”

“Yeah,” Zayn answered. “And for now…well, I’m changing my clothes.” Louis laughed. “And you should too. And maybe, order a pizza?” 

“Sure. And more Playstation?” Louis smiled at him, and Zayn smiled back, feeling light and overwhelmed. 

“If you want me to kick your ass.” Louis laughed and threw a balled-up shirt at him, and Zayn got his phone and called for the pizza.


End file.
